Not ever having had something like this before, a venue for my own thoughts, I have been giving it a lot of thought. It seems somewhat narcissistic, “My blog, all about me, by me, from me.” Yikes. To get past this I remind myself that it’s free choice, no one has to tune in, and my intention to connect my small world with the greater world and our common similarities, is very innocent. Sitting here in front of the lit monitor, fingers on the keyboard, feels somewhat like being the only person awake in the world. This house is in darkness, there are two sleeping children entrusted to my care, an oversized cat and a minuscule dog are quietly roaming about. This is that romantic scenario of the all night DJ with the husky voice all alone in the control room, the voice going out across the country into houses, into cars, becoming a part of other people’s lives. Taking the listeners on a journey; some stories, some music. Creating a mood, nothing jarring, linking it up, but definitely something that moves us all through space. I’m tapping on the microphone now. I think someone is listening….
A long time ago I lived with two brothers in an apartment in Hamilton, Ontario. One brother Mark was away travelling, and other brother Dave and I were both waiting for him. Dave and I were such good friends, and I was a very pregnant teenager. Dave and I would go out driving in his van, or play cards for a while at night. We were both passing the time and found comfort in each other’s company. Sometimes after we had said goodnight and Dave went down the hall to his bedroom, I would be just about asleep when he’d call out and ask me if I was. I always said no. He’d ask me if I felt like talking to him for a while. So I’d pull the big armchair in the living room to the door of his bedroom and settle in. Our conversations would get more and more one-sided and his comments came further and further apart. I loved sitting in the dark with Dave. I’d start telling him stories of things that had happened, things I had noticed, things that surprised me, or about dreams that I’d wonder if they could come true. I would be completely lost in thought when Dave would start snoring. The first time it happened I felt embarrassed and considered being insulted. But it was so funny. He really snored so loudly that I ended up kind of proud of myself for doing such a good job of putting him to sleep. I made a point of finishing my story, whether he was listening or not. I liked that he was there. I liked the way the streetlights came through the blinds. I liked the quiet of our apartment and the shadows that ran the length of it. Now it makes me remember all the men I’ve put to sleep or whose sleep I have disturbed. Think about that in your own life.
I remember a lovely thing a friend of mine once said. She has had a long distance, long term relationship with a man, spanning different continents for more than twenty years now. She said, “When I first met him, I couldn’t sleep. Now, because of him, I can.”
Maybe I am someone’s blanky right now. There are worse things, I don’t mind. If I’m putting you to sleep I hope you have gorgeous dreams. You can close your eyes. You are safe. Someone loves you.
Good Life
diane